Resources
Here are 5 easy steps to help you get started on your road to recovery and change. Think ABCDE.
Ask
Ask
yourself why you are struggling, or engaging in problematic sexual behavior.
In our work together we would start there, and learn what is missing or what has led to the problem behavior that you would like to change.
Barriers
Barriers need to be in place in order to stop problem behaviors. Barriers can make it difficult for you to keep engaging in an undesired behavior. Examples are avoiding certain places; putting your computer where others can see it; using a good filter on your computer or sending the password to someone else; using a phone which does not have Internet access; staying at work longer where you are not likely to look at pornography; using a timer; having a trusted other step in and help you manage your behavior; going to therapy. Together we can identify many barriers to help you.
Cognitive Distortions
This is a fancy expression for unhealthy thinking. A
cognitive distortion is a thinking error. Cognitive distortions help us justify behavior which we really don’t want to engage in. Cognitive distortions allow us to minimize, deny, share blame, and in other ways help us think that our behaviors are OK, when really we are struggling to get rid of the behaviors.
Distractions
Distractions
can help you engage in other, more healthy behaviors. Distractions are ways to keep from engaging in the problem behavior. Some examples are working a few hours at an extra job; getting together with friends; volunteering somewhere; exercising; inviting someone to go out; or starting a hobby that you enjoy. Another distraction is going to a free support group such as Sex Addicts Anonymous. A meeting location near you can be found by getting on the following website: www.saa-recovery.org. Meetings take place every day all over the city. (You could pick a location away from where you live, if you are worried about running into someone you might know.) Other free and confidential support groups are available in Houston. Although you may not be a “sex addict“, SAA and similar meetings are a helpful source of information and support to help you change. In therapy together we can identify numerous
distractions which can help you.
Else
There is no pleasant or sugarcoated way of saying “or else”. When people don’t get in charge of their problem behavior, and it continues to spin out of control, loss of relationships, loss of respect for you, loss of money, loss of career, and possibly loss of freedom - by getting arrested - can follow. There is no reason to continue down a path of problematic, excessive, and possibly illegal behavior when there is help available. Problematic sexual behavior can be well managed by working in therapy for a short time, with someone trained to help you.
Below are several book titles, websites, treatment programs and a Summary of Help, which may be helpful to you at this time.
Books
A Billion Wicked Thoughts (2011) by Ogi Ogas & Sai Gaddam
After the Affair - Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust when a Partner has been Unfaithful (2020) by Janis A. Spring
Arousal - The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies (2002) by Michael Bader
Cutting it Off: Breaking Porn Addiction and How to Quit for Good (2014) by J.S. Park
Cybersex Unplugged - Finding Sexual Health in an Electronic World (2011) by Edwards, Delmonico & Griffin
Everybody Lies - Big Data New Data and what the Internet can tell us about who we really are (2017) by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz
Evicting the Perpetrator (2010) by Ken Singer
Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery (2005) Patrick Carnes
Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children (2008) by Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr.
How to Stop Watching Porn (2022) by Mikel Shirley
In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior (2007) by Patrick J. Carnes & David L. Delmonico
Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity (2011) by Mark Chamberlain & Geoff Steurer
Male Sexuality: Why Women don’t Understand it - And Men Don’t Either (2010) by Michael Bader
Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (2001) by Patrick J. Carnes
Pathways to Healthy Sexuality (2009) by Matthew Ferrara, PhD
Perv - The Sexual Deviant in all of Us (2013) by Jesse Bering
Porn Nation: Conquering America’s #1 Addiction (2008) by Michael Leahy
Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked our Sexuality (2010) by Gail Dines
Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Ttreatment (2016) by Alexandra Katehakis
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships (1997) by Patrick Carnes
The Impact of Pornography on Children, Youth, and Culture (2012) by Cordelia Anderson
The Myth of Sex Addiction (2012) by David J. Ley
The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (2009) by Wendy Maltz & Larry Maltz
The Sex Addiction Workbook: Proven Strategies to Help You Regain Control of Your Life (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) Paperback – August 2004 by William T. O'Donohue
Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior:
Rethinking Sexual Addiction (2015) by Douglas Braun-Harvey & Michael Vigorito
Victims No Longer. The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse (2004) by Mike Lew
Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (2010) by William M. Struthers
Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction (2014) by Gary Wilson
Websites for Information & Guidance
www.sexandrelationshiphealing.com
www.atsa.com (provides many resources)
www.cosa-recovery.org (support for family)
www.sanon.org (support for partner & family)
www.988lifeline.org (help for suicidality)
Sexual Behavior Support Groups (Free/ Find your best location)
Treatment Programs for Problematic Sexual Behavior
www.santecenter.com (TX)
www.gentlepathmeadows.com (AZ)
www.meadowsoutpatient.com (AZ)
www.pinegrovetreatment.com (MS)
--There are many other helpful programs you can locate through a web search
--Dr. Lawson does not receive any type of compensation for books or services which are listed
Internet Filters/ Telephone Options
These are Internet filters, which when installed, do not permit access to pornographic websites:
These are types of hand-held phones which do not allow the user to access the Internet:
www.kosher.com (Kosher phone)
www.nokia.com (Nokia 106)
A Summary of Help
- Support Groups (SAA; Celebrate Recovery)
- Individual Therapy
- Couples Therapy
- Use of one or more of the books listed, to help with understanding and decreasing pornography use
- Use of filter on computer
- Use of phone without Internet connection
- Use of "accountability partner"
- Consultation with a physician for possible use of medication that reduces sex drive
- Evaluation by a psychologist or physician to assess for depression, anxiety, OCD, or other possible mental health concerns which may contribute to chronic sadness, boredom, isolation or loneliness, and which in turn may be contributing to constant Internet searches and pornography use
Let's Talk
The first step in therapy is talking. A one-hour session will help you begin making positive changes. Schedule a consultation.